Communal Living

More and more adult children are moving home. That's what statistics say and that's what I've experienced.  We can say it's the economy, but often people live with their parents even though they have good jobs that surpass the basic cost of living needs.  No matter why it's happening, parents often seem loath to ask for an accounting of money, reasoning or future plans.  They also are loath to set guidelines, because they want their children to feel welcome and because they are under the mistaken impression that their children, who were raised to be responsible, will indeed do their part.  Oddly enough, adult children who never leave the nest or who move back home after being independent have a tendency to revert to childhood expectations.  Suddenly parents are once again being parents -- often not only to their children but to their grandchildren as well. 

There are some basic rules that would make communal living less of a burden for all concerned.  If these rules were set and adhered to, some children would decide living at home was too restrictive and move out, but is that a bad thing?  Here are some basic rules that would make communal life easier:

1.)  If you break it, fix it.

2.)  If you get it out, put it back exactly in the same place and in the same condition you found it.

3.)  If you dirty it, clean it.

4.) If you start it, finish it.

The rules speak for themselves.  The idea isn't to make life miserable for adult children who move home, but rather to make life somewhat acceptable for everyone, including the parents they move in with.  If rules are set and followed, no one is frowning, groaning, slamming and swearing under their breath as they go about the business of taking care of those things no one else gets around to.

And that comes to the final thought on this subject.  Why does it matter?  Washing someone's dishes, folding someone else's clothes before using the dryer, or wiping crumbs and sauces off the counters before making breakfast or having a cup of tea isn't that big a deal.  The world won't end.

First, there is the simple matter of time.  Whoever is getting left with the brunt of chores also has things they want and need to do.  Who says they have the time to do the chores someone else can't fit into their schedule?  Everyone has school, jobs and social lives.  The time one person spends cleaning so that another person can watch TV is time that they, themselves, can't relax or do something they would like to do.  Leaving a mess for someone else to clean is theft of time.

The second is a matter of respect.  What one person does affects everyone around them.  If someone lives alone, they have only themselves to think about, but when they choose to live with multiple families, they have to take everyone into consideration.  They are no longer autonomous.  They've given up their autonomy by choice and are now bound by what's best for everyone.  And remember -- it was a choice.

Last, and most importantly, when someone chooses to move into an already established household, they choose to live by the standards already set.  There are plenty of people who share basic standards of living, whatever they are.  If someone decides they need to live with other people then they need to look for people who share their same standard of living.

There are reasons families share homes.  Some families seem to lean toward communal living more than others, often because that's the way it's always been.  However, when the families have very different value systems and standards of living, it's like State and Federal law; the highest standard takes precedent.